It has been over four months since I have written last. Excuse being that I no longer have a computer of my own. Oh well. Michael is changing it sleep schedule once again, so I have free range of his computer while he sleeps. Quite nice being able to roam the net for hours... even if my hands are going to freeze off and my feet turn purple. Why the frig is it so cold in his office?! BRR.
Last few posts were political kicks, apologies. I get in my moments where I feel strong enough to put it all out there. It has been tamed, although I make no promises, I doubt you will see political posts on here again. Eh. Anyhow, I have been going through a bit of a mental process here lately. Big piece coming in tonight, actually. Which prompted me to write a blog. Now that my kiddo's are getting older, less demanding and more independent, I am having whirlwind moments of introspection. I have been feeling so lost, so it is kind of nice to start feeling like I am alive inside. Having kids is hard and full of blessing all in one. I seem to just lost parts of myself in the process.... that or not really discovering it before having them. This, I am not too sure on.
I have been major pinteresting here lately, absolutely ADDICTING! Anyway, I like it alot for its link to some gems in the world of internets. Blogs, crafts and general creative ideas. So. Many. Things. BUT, I discovered this amazing tumblr (hey, fat chick!) that is....just amazing. I live everyday with this warped idea that I am not good enough because I am fat. A very warped idea I mostly blame on my upbringing... and partly blame on myself for not being able to break out of the idea. I am working through it by trying to love my body. Love me the way that I am. It is hard. I never imagined it being this hard. My body changes every year. Lose some, then gain it back. It never goes back to where it was. lol I try to lose weight with this picture in my mind that follows what society "accepts" I guess. Media. What I see, what it portrayed as beautiful. I have been dooped. It's horrible.
So, my plan is to discover the beauty in me while I am in my body. Some ways, that I realized, that can help me with this process is to take care of myself. I do the minimum of what I need to do to get through my days. It has become a habit with the lack of free time I have had in the past few years. Goal 1 is to take care of myself. Once I feel as though I have achieved this, I move on to tranforming myself. Working on my outside to reflect my inside. The way I dress, the way I hold myself, it does reflect the sadness I have at the moment. I look unkept, frumpy and dismantled in some ways. Once I work on better-ing and accepting, I can get to my core of love and find Stephanie.
My journey begins now.
Last few posts were political kicks, apologies. I get in my moments where I feel strong enough to put it all out there. It has been tamed, although I make no promises, I doubt you will see political posts on here again. Eh. Anyhow, I have been going through a bit of a mental process here lately. Big piece coming in tonight, actually. Which prompted me to write a blog. Now that my kiddo's are getting older, less demanding and more independent, I am having whirlwind moments of introspection. I have been feeling so lost, so it is kind of nice to start feeling like I am alive inside. Having kids is hard and full of blessing all in one. I seem to just lost parts of myself in the process.... that or not really discovering it before having them. This, I am not too sure on.
I have been major pinteresting here lately, absolutely ADDICTING! Anyway, I like it alot for its link to some gems in the world of internets. Blogs, crafts and general creative ideas. So. Many. Things. BUT, I discovered this amazing tumblr (hey, fat chick!) that is....just amazing. I live everyday with this warped idea that I am not good enough because I am fat. A very warped idea I mostly blame on my upbringing... and partly blame on myself for not being able to break out of the idea. I am working through it by trying to love my body. Love me the way that I am. It is hard. I never imagined it being this hard. My body changes every year. Lose some, then gain it back. It never goes back to where it was. lol I try to lose weight with this picture in my mind that follows what society "accepts" I guess. Media. What I see, what it portrayed as beautiful. I have been dooped. It's horrible.
So, my plan is to discover the beauty in me while I am in my body. Some ways, that I realized, that can help me with this process is to take care of myself. I do the minimum of what I need to do to get through my days. It has become a habit with the lack of free time I have had in the past few years. Goal 1 is to take care of myself. Once I feel as though I have achieved this, I move on to tranforming myself. Working on my outside to reflect my inside. The way I dress, the way I hold myself, it does reflect the sadness I have at the moment. I look unkept, frumpy and dismantled in some ways. Once I work on better-ing and accepting, I can get to my core of love and find Stephanie.
My journey begins now.
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